Yes, the title is based off of a song that many of you know. I have one week left in this beautiful country. Last night was the Farewell Dinner with Suzy and Ger from IFSA, and the last night that the UL IFSA gang was together for a long time. Truman left this morning, and one by one, the rest of us will be leaving. While on our night out for the last time all together, this song popped into my head: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MpQ2vxNCoTk. Now looking at my calendar, it feels like time is going by too fast. When I see that in exactly one week I will be in the Dublin airport waiting to board my plane heading back west (“on a plane bound west. I see her glory strething out below” Dierks Bentley), everything becomes bittersweet. I am excited to see my family and friends that I left behind in January, but I’m also sad to leave all of my friends and the people that I’ve met here. I have made some amazing friends, and have met some great, fun, intelligent, fantastic people that I will never forget.
As of yesterday morning, I have finished all exams, and now a week to do some exploring and hanging out with people before we all have to say goodbye. Exams were really formally here, and not what I’m used to. You had to have your ID, the lecturer and tutorial leaders were not there, and it was sort of set up like when you go to take the ACT. It was different, and I’m not so sure I liked it that way, but it is what it is.
I know that my posts have been a bit sappy, but before you read on I should warn you: This one may be even more sappy than the others (and it may be a little repetitive, but I feel it’s necessary at times to be repetitive).
If I could name everything that I am going to miss about this place when I leave, people would start to get bored with this post. Nonetheless, I am going to continue with some things that I feel are necessary to mention, because some things should never be left out, and I want to take this opportunity to say what I want to say without leaving people out and talk about (men, don’t cringe too much) feelings. I am going to miss being able to call over to a friend’s apartment to see them (some of these friends are Irish, and some of them will be scattered over the States when I get home).
While I am excited to come home, I am also nervous. I have been gone for 4-ish months. While it doesn’t always seem like it, that’s a long time to be away from the people you are constantly around. People change, grow. Your constant group of friends go through things while you’re gone, and that could mean that dynamics of your friend group changes a bit. You go through changes within yourself, and sometimes you wonder if things are going to be the same, and even though part of you wishes it will be, deep down you know that this change is a good change and that wishing things would be the same with many things means that you go back to how you were, and with change like this… You are never the same. Your life is different.
I might look the same, still only be slightly funny and 3/16ths attractive (inside joke, and for the record, I’m definitely more than 3/16ths attractive. Where did that number even originate, haha), listen to most of the same music, still like most of the same things as I did before I left, drive the same classic (and pretty amazing) ’85 Mercury Grand Marquis, I have changed. And I am glad (like I say every post) that I have had this opportunity.
I know that without a doubt the only way that I was able to do this was because of my family and friends. After telling Megan Inboden (one of my best friends) the first time I thought about coming to Ireland since my first year at McKendree, I told my mom about it. While she was the caring mother who had a million questions (as did I, she would think of new questions for me to ask Jackie, who was the study abroad adviser at the time), and then telling me I had to ask my dad (who thought it would be harder asking dad than mom?), and he said that I could, I was thrilled. And then the thrill went away for a while.
I spent MANY nights laying in bed thinking about whether or not to actually go through with turning in the application because of so many different things going on at the time. I eventually convinced myself to turn it in and take a chance after laying in bed one night and (I have never told anyone this part) Hilary Duff’s “Why Not” popped into my head (sounds random, but it makes sense looking back at it. Funny how the brain works sometimes, isn’t it), and like Joshua Radin sings “I need to be bold, need to jump in the cold water.” After making that decision, all I had to do was wait. And get my passport. I remember my oldest sister voicing her concerns about me leaving, and I remember one of the last times I saw her at her house. I was leaving to go home, and walking to the car, and I sat there for a minute, and then here she came for one last final hug before I left the house. We both cried (I think she did more than I did, but I cried a bit, too). And the morning I left everyone surprised me at breakfast by showing up. I swear if I didn’t have to get to the airport her and I would have hugged for hours. While being here, she posted this to my Facebook wall:
“To my Morgan… I just wanted to take a minute to tell you how happy I am for you that you are getting to have such a great life experience. You are making memories that no one can ever take away and also making friends that you will hopefully have forever. I have to admit when you told me you were going to Ireland I was against it, I was scared for you. But you have proved my worries were needless, and I am glad of that. Continue to enjoy your time over there and make the most of it This said, also know that we love you and we miss you and we are ready to hug you again. Love, Nessa“
And then my little sister Olivia posting this to me on Facebook just a few days ago: